I don’t think any vampire movie will ever have a better opening set of scenes.
The Hunger (1983)
Also, happy Clarice/Hannibal anniversary day- and lest we forget, happy Valentines’ Day as well. But since I’m participating in the Vampire’s Day Soiree, let’s focus on the Dracula part.
The Bela Lugosi version was released on this day so many years ago, and in honor of that, I’d like to talk a little about vampire romance. I’ve advised gothic heroines to stay clear of it, but what can you do, really? Sometimes things happen, and at those times, it’s best to know where you stand.
VR Type One: Twilight-esq
If this is you, dear reader, then you’re in luck! Things should work out okay, because dating a vampire isn’t all that different from dating a human. Sure, your lover has super-strength, prefers to go out on cloudy days, and has special dietary considerations, but you can adapt. Should you wish to be turned, you don’t have to worry about much besides other vampires being angry about it- though I guess that’s a fair concern in and of itself.
VR Type Two: Buffy-esq
Also known as the Bad Idea. The problem here isn’t that the romance is damaging, but that the writers can’t decide whether or not it is. Narrative inconsistency is a danger to heroines, and I advise you to steer clear of it at all times. One moment they’ll be condemned for being possessed by a demon, the next you’ll be expected to accept that demon as who they really are. One moment you’ll be told by the writing that your relationship is unhealthy, the next you’ll be told that it’s the greatest love of all time and nobody else you date will ever do. It’s all very confusing, and you can save yourself a lot of trouble by just dating werewolves until the writers have their stories straight.
VR Type Three: Let The Right One In-esq
Also known to musical theater fans as Tanz-esq, this is my favorite type of vampire romance to read about, but not necessarily to live in. There are no excuses here; they may really love you, but they do murder the innocent, and have to in order to survive. So, why do you go with them? Because you love them, but also because your normal life is unpleasant enough that you’ll welcome any change. The writers here are likely doing a damn good job, though I can’t say I’d switch places with one of the characters.
Are there any other types of vampire romance I’ve left out? If so, please let me know! And happy February 14, however you celebrate it (or not!)
London Vampire by 011Art
Sing along with me, peeps: undead, undead, undead, Auntie Jilli’s first rule of Tumblr, undead, undead, undead.
::makes a disapproving noise:: This, dear child, is why I keep saying napkins are important. Blood in your hair, really.
These are ADORABLE.
Oh, the fun times I’ve had cosplaying Orlok…
First descriptive appearance of Lucy as a vampire and it’s terrifying. Reading it is solid preparation for the eventual meeting of Her Majesty Venters, though.
Atticus, you flatterer.
I’m starting to think that instead of vampires as a metaphor for oppressed people, we really need to start using vampirism as a metaphor for privilege.
Like, yes, you’re a vampire and you probably can’t help that, and sometimes people will freak the fuck out when you’re coming at them even if it’s just to ask if you can borrow a cup of sugar for your blood muffins or something, and you’re like, “Hey, don’t judge me just because I’m a vampire!”
And then a human’s like, “Um, well, historically, vampires tend to attack us humans and drink our blood.”
And sure, your first instinct is to go “Hey, I’m one of the good vampires! I have a subscription service at a blood bank and everything!”, but… that… doesn’t change the fact that historically, yeah, vampires have survived by eating humans. Any changing perception of vampires is going to have to start with vampires.
So instead of protesting your innocence, you have to start by going to find other vampires and being like “Hey guys, we have to stop eating humans.”
And unfortunately, a lot of vampires are gonna think they’re already doing everything they need to to be Good Vampires, and this needs to be combatted. Being a Good Vampire is a never-ending struggle, and it’s not very rewarding, but it’s what has to be done.
And some humans will never, ever stop being suspicious of you, and you’ll have to accept that. Humans don’t owe you their respect just because you’re doing them the basic service of not flapping into their bedrooms at night and biting their necks. That’s like, the bare minimum of not being an asshole vampire. And some humans will probably still make jokes about how vampires can’t go in the sun without burning up and how they have no reflections and how for some reason they think “Alucard” is actually a cute baby name, but you’ll just have to deal with that, because they’re coping with the fact that this is an entire population of things that historically have always eaten them.
But it’s not about you. It’s about making the world safer for humans, and combatting it every damn time you see another vampire planning out a good old-fashioned round of feasting on virgins in nightgowns, and saying “Okay, no, that’s really offensive” the next time one of your vampire buddies refers to a human as a bloodbag, and generally working overtime to present a pro-human standpoint.
Because really, what good does it do to make the monsters the oppressed ones?
I love this.
(However, when I eventually become Vampire Witch Queen, I do plan on being somewhat monstrous and feasting on people. I have a list, dammit, and I mean to stick to it.)
Extended international trailer for Jim Jarmusch’s upcoming vampire film The Only Lovers Left Alive.
Yes, I will always reblog this. I want the movie NOW.
(I also want the little cordial glasses they sip the blood from, because I’m ridiculous like that.)
And now, a light-hearted romp of a film to have on in the background while I edit a friend’s novel.